Respect is earned. Being respectful needs to be re-enforced by showing our children they must treat others the way they wish to be treated.
You show respect in order to get respect; meaning that it really does not matter how people treat you, it's how you treat the people that do wrong to you. Basically what goes around comes around and nobody wants to die the life they live. So no matter what happens in life keep a clean slate for your own self respect and you will surely be rewarded for it. I know it's not fair, but nothing in life is, except our choices. They are free and help make a great difference in this old world.
A man's real life is that accorded to him in the thoughts of other men by reason of respect or natural love.
Seeing our own inner lack of respect shows us the path toward cultivating it, toward intentionally adopting a genuinely respectful attitude. And respect, coupled with the rest of our spiritual practice, leads to humility and love. Ultimately we may recognize the one quality worthy of unlimited respect, both in ourselves and others: the spark of Divinity.
If you have some respect for people as they are, you can be more effective in helping them to become better than they are.
" Harry S. Truman" : ( Quotes on Respect )
We must build a new world, a far better world - one in which the eternal dignity of man is respected.
…Always maintain a respectful attitude toward others, appreciating the vulnerability they may feel about being touched. Listen to what they tell you, verbally and non-verbally. Be sensitive to their feedback to your touch. Remember that a respectful attitude requires that you come from a place that is compassionate and non-judgmental. A respectful attitude contributes to a safe and healing atmosphere for the client…
Friday, December 25, 2009
Open communication will daily bring peace in our lives.
Life is very busy for families these days. In most cases, one or both parents work full time; some may even have more than one job; children often have many different activities within a week plus a heavy load of homework. Weekends are frequently a flurry of activity with parents rushing children to sports or special classes, running errands, and/or attending to household chores. With so much going on, parents and children may see very little of each other, especially if parents leave the house before children wake up or come home after their bedtime. Communication between family members and respect for each other's needs, property and time commitments can be adversely affected; relationships between family members can also suffer, creating a divide. If you find yourself in this scenario, there are ways to improve communication and respect between family members and to build a more unified family group.
We have to make time to communicate. Family communication encourages family bonds… family bonds boost the desire for and frequency of family gatherings… and family gatherings provide an even greater opportunity (and need) for family communication. It’s a cyclical effect. One leads to, supports, and strengthens the other
Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express their differences as well as love and admiration for one another. It is through communication that family members are able to resolve the unavoidable problems that arise in all families.
Communication is the single greatest factor affecting a person’s relationships with others. It is the key to accomplishing individual and family goals. Positive communication can be a useful tool in drawing a family together and helping them learn to support, rather than harm one another. Communicating with our families is an ongoing challenge.
Some families are naturally good at communicating, however, many families would like to work at improving their skills. The way we communicate (or don’t communicate) is often taught in the home.
Take a moment to think about how the family you grew up in communicated with each other. Was it positive and effective? Think about how you would like to teach your children to communicate.
Remember, they will learn communication skills and communication styles from you.
Acceptance is a key ingredient in family communication. You may not agree with other family members, but it is essential that you show your respect by listening and speaking about ideas, feelings, and concerns. Acknowledge your differences and allow family members and friends to have differences of opinions.
We have to make time to communicate. Family communication encourages family bonds… family bonds boost the desire for and frequency of family gatherings… and family gatherings provide an even greater opportunity (and need) for family communication. It’s a cyclical effect. One leads to, supports, and strengthens the other
Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express their differences as well as love and admiration for one another. It is through communication that family members are able to resolve the unavoidable problems that arise in all families.
Communication is the single greatest factor affecting a person’s relationships with others. It is the key to accomplishing individual and family goals. Positive communication can be a useful tool in drawing a family together and helping them learn to support, rather than harm one another. Communicating with our families is an ongoing challenge.
Some families are naturally good at communicating, however, many families would like to work at improving their skills. The way we communicate (or don’t communicate) is often taught in the home.
Take a moment to think about how the family you grew up in communicated with each other. Was it positive and effective? Think about how you would like to teach your children to communicate.
Remember, they will learn communication skills and communication styles from you.
Acceptance is a key ingredient in family communication. You may not agree with other family members, but it is essential that you show your respect by listening and speaking about ideas, feelings, and concerns. Acknowledge your differences and allow family members and friends to have differences of opinions.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Tearing down a stronghold, and walls within.
How to tear down a stronghold, and walls within.
2 Corinthians 10:4, "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds."
Strongholds are birthed and dwell in deception (which are lies and false beliefs), so naturally the cure is to bring the truth in God's Word on the scene. You debunk the lies of the enemy, with the truth, which is in the Word of God! The Bible says that our weapons are mighty for the tearing down of strongholds (2 Cor 10:4, "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds."). What is our primary offensive weapon? The sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God (Eph 6:17, "...the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."). Truth dispels deception and lies, and therefore the more truth you bring into a situation, the more the darkness must flee. This is where it's important to grow in God's Word, is because it is your primary weapon for tearing down the strongholds of deception that the enemy has been feeding you.
In John 8:31-36, Jesus tells us that we can be held in bondage due to strongholds in our lives. And His solution was to, "continue in my word... and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (v. 32-32) Strongholds are torn down as we meditate on God's Word, which is truth!
What is a stronghold?
A stronghold is a faulty thinking pattern based on lies and deception. Deception is one of the primary weapons of evil, because it is the building blocks for a stronghold. What strongholds can do is cause us to think in ways which block us from God's best. For example, if you think you have to confess all your sins to everybody you've ever wronged, you'll feel just awful and guilty until you do all that, and even then, you'll probably feel guilty, because you probably forgot many people that you didn't confess your sins to. All unnecessary, and a waste of time, all because you were deceived and thought that you had to do something that you really didn't have to do.
An example of a stronghold at work: A common scene is somebody who is scared of God, and has a hard time feeling His love and presence. They view Him as a cruel taskmaster, and not as the God that is really is to them, and therefore, they put up there own wall which makes it hard for them to receive God's love, presence and draw close in their relationship with Him. If you saw your spouse as a rude and cruel dictator, you probably wouldn't be as apt to snuggle upto Him and love him as you would if you saw him as a loving and kind person who loves you and cares for you. If you see somebody as mean, it's hard to receive their love, isn't it? That's how our perception of God can hinder us from feeling His love and presence in our lives. It is VERY important to have a correct perception of God if we want to live victorious lives in Christ Jesus!
2 Corinthians 10:4, "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds."
Strongholds are birthed and dwell in deception (which are lies and false beliefs), so naturally the cure is to bring the truth in God's Word on the scene. You debunk the lies of the enemy, with the truth, which is in the Word of God! The Bible says that our weapons are mighty for the tearing down of strongholds (2 Cor 10:4, "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds."). What is our primary offensive weapon? The sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God (Eph 6:17, "...the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."). Truth dispels deception and lies, and therefore the more truth you bring into a situation, the more the darkness must flee. This is where it's important to grow in God's Word, is because it is your primary weapon for tearing down the strongholds of deception that the enemy has been feeding you.
In John 8:31-36, Jesus tells us that we can be held in bondage due to strongholds in our lives. And His solution was to, "continue in my word... and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (v. 32-32) Strongholds are torn down as we meditate on God's Word, which is truth!
What is a stronghold?
A stronghold is a faulty thinking pattern based on lies and deception. Deception is one of the primary weapons of evil, because it is the building blocks for a stronghold. What strongholds can do is cause us to think in ways which block us from God's best. For example, if you think you have to confess all your sins to everybody you've ever wronged, you'll feel just awful and guilty until you do all that, and even then, you'll probably feel guilty, because you probably forgot many people that you didn't confess your sins to. All unnecessary, and a waste of time, all because you were deceived and thought that you had to do something that you really didn't have to do.
An example of a stronghold at work: A common scene is somebody who is scared of God, and has a hard time feeling His love and presence. They view Him as a cruel taskmaster, and not as the God that is really is to them, and therefore, they put up there own wall which makes it hard for them to receive God's love, presence and draw close in their relationship with Him. If you saw your spouse as a rude and cruel dictator, you probably wouldn't be as apt to snuggle upto Him and love him as you would if you saw him as a loving and kind person who loves you and cares for you. If you see somebody as mean, it's hard to receive their love, isn't it? That's how our perception of God can hinder us from feeling His love and presence in our lives. It is VERY important to have a correct perception of God if we want to live victorious lives in Christ Jesus!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
What causes foes?
Of course it’s very hard to forgive others when we are hurt; however, we must understand that we inherently possess a wild and evil conscience that causes craziness. Therefore, we must forgive everyone since those who attack us are being dominated by their wild conscience. They are not being human because their conscience is dysfunctional.
With this basic truth in mind, you can follow these 5 difficult steps and learn how to forgive your enemies. I’m not telling you that they are easy because this is real medicine. However, in the end they are not that difficult. And, after your first experiences, you’ll automatically be able to forgive your enemies.
1)Eliminate your anger and hate, transforming them into sadness because you were a victim of somebody else’s evil.
You must not hate monsters because it is not their fault for being that way. Unfortunately, human nature is very violent and the human being can control his behaviour and be balanced only by passing through psychotherapy. This is a fact that our society has to understand, so that our population may be cured some day.
Look at your enemy as if you were looking at a very piteous creature and have pity on him because he is so mentally ill.
2)Think that you were attacked by your enemy due to his non controlable nature, nothing else.
Stop thinking about what happened, what he did or did not do, etc., and focus on the real reason that the enemy’s behaviour was so terrible—the momentary or progressive loss of conscience. It doesn’t matter which was the scenario and the play.
You must see the real purpose of the actions and their real motive, because your enemy is a slave of his or her primitive conscience, since it dominates the conscience. He cannot control his behaviour; his actions can only be harmful.
3)Cultivate pity towards your enemy.
Regard your enemy as you regard a schizophrenic who lives locked in an asylum because the enemy has no control over his or her behaviour.
Have pity on those who are dominated by their evil side because they only suffer and they can only live in despair.
4) You must love your enemies and care about their health and suffering because they are victims of their wild side and they have no notion of what they do, even though they appear that they do everything with an evil purpose, which they know very well. This evil purpose doesn’t belong to the human conscience, but to the primitive side.
5)Forget your enemy now that you understood everything and you don’t feel hatred. Take care of other matters of your life and remain occupied with them.
Step 2
Your enemies will feel ridiculous for having attacked you since you didn’t do anything against them, because you are not like them; you are different. You are not crazy, you don’t do absurd things. You put an end to violence with your peaceful and wise attitude.
You give also an opportunity to your enemies to comprehend that instead of hating you, since you didn’t take revenge, they shall be grateful because you didn’t do any of the several things you could have done against them to take your revenge.
You’ll keep your peace of mind and they’ll understand that you are superior.
They will be punished for their actions through the consequences of their mistakes, while you’ll be fine, living your life without any problem.
With this basic truth in mind, you can follow these 5 difficult steps and learn how to forgive your enemies. I’m not telling you that they are easy because this is real medicine. However, in the end they are not that difficult. And, after your first experiences, you’ll automatically be able to forgive your enemies.
1)Eliminate your anger and hate, transforming them into sadness because you were a victim of somebody else’s evil.
You must not hate monsters because it is not their fault for being that way. Unfortunately, human nature is very violent and the human being can control his behaviour and be balanced only by passing through psychotherapy. This is a fact that our society has to understand, so that our population may be cured some day.
Look at your enemy as if you were looking at a very piteous creature and have pity on him because he is so mentally ill.
2)Think that you were attacked by your enemy due to his non controlable nature, nothing else.
Stop thinking about what happened, what he did or did not do, etc., and focus on the real reason that the enemy’s behaviour was so terrible—the momentary or progressive loss of conscience. It doesn’t matter which was the scenario and the play.
You must see the real purpose of the actions and their real motive, because your enemy is a slave of his or her primitive conscience, since it dominates the conscience. He cannot control his behaviour; his actions can only be harmful.
3)Cultivate pity towards your enemy.
Regard your enemy as you regard a schizophrenic who lives locked in an asylum because the enemy has no control over his or her behaviour.
Have pity on those who are dominated by their evil side because they only suffer and they can only live in despair.
4) You must love your enemies and care about their health and suffering because they are victims of their wild side and they have no notion of what they do, even though they appear that they do everything with an evil purpose, which they know very well. This evil purpose doesn’t belong to the human conscience, but to the primitive side.
5)Forget your enemy now that you understood everything and you don’t feel hatred. Take care of other matters of your life and remain occupied with them.
Step 2
Your enemies will feel ridiculous for having attacked you since you didn’t do anything against them, because you are not like them; you are different. You are not crazy, you don’t do absurd things. You put an end to violence with your peaceful and wise attitude.
You give also an opportunity to your enemies to comprehend that instead of hating you, since you didn’t take revenge, they shall be grateful because you didn’t do any of the several things you could have done against them to take your revenge.
You’ll keep your peace of mind and they’ll understand that you are superior.
They will be punished for their actions through the consequences of their mistakes, while you’ll be fine, living your life without any problem.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Being A Good Listener
A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he needs to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.
"Effective listeners remember that "words have no meaning - people have meaning." The assignment of meaning to a term is an internal process; meaning comes from inside us. And although our experiences, knowledge and attitudes differ, we often misinterpret each other’s messages while under the illusion that a common understanding has been achieved."
"There is no such thing as a worthless conversation, provided you know what to listen for. And questions are the breath of life for a conversation."
To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. You listen not only to the 'music,' but to the essence of the person speaking.
You listen not only for what someone knows, but for what he or she is. Ears operate at the speed of sound, which is far slower than the speed of light the eyes take in. Generative listening is the art of developing deeper silences in yourself, so you can slow our mind’s hearing to your ears’ natural speed, and hear beneath the words to their meaning."
The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.
We listen in order to learn and retain information. If we are speaking, we are not listening or learning anything to add to our sum of knowledge. This is why the first step to effective listening is to stop talking!
"Effective listeners remember that "words have no meaning - people have meaning." The assignment of meaning to a term is an internal process; meaning comes from inside us. And although our experiences, knowledge and attitudes differ, we often misinterpret each other’s messages while under the illusion that a common understanding has been achieved."
"There is no such thing as a worthless conversation, provided you know what to listen for. And questions are the breath of life for a conversation."
To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. You listen not only to the 'music,' but to the essence of the person speaking.
You listen not only for what someone knows, but for what he or she is. Ears operate at the speed of sound, which is far slower than the speed of light the eyes take in. Generative listening is the art of developing deeper silences in yourself, so you can slow our mind’s hearing to your ears’ natural speed, and hear beneath the words to their meaning."
The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.
We listen in order to learn and retain information. If we are speaking, we are not listening or learning anything to add to our sum of knowledge. This is why the first step to effective listening is to stop talking!
Being A Servant
If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
If we wish to be compassionate with our fellow man, we must learn to engage in dispassionate analysis. In other words, thinking with our hearts, rather than our brains, is a surefire method to hurt those whom we wish to help.
Serving others may leave you tired at the end of the day, but with it comes a sense of accomplishment and humility. When we serve others we find a new way to be happy. Serving is a thankless job the majority of the time, but it is also a reward in itself. Think of raising children. You have to serve and sacrifice everyday for your children, but they are also the greatest source of happiness in your life. Here are ways to get more out of life by serving others:
Complete possession is proved only by giving. All you are unable to give possesses you.
You will find, as you look back upon your life, that the moments that stand out are the moments when you have done things for others.
Being a servant is to give of your time, attention , and assistance of others needs.
So to be a good husband, I need not to be selfish with my time, and to give to my wife.
A father is to be a servant even to his children, giving them attention when they need it. seeing to their needs as they are in need,
And when friends are in need, find what ways you can assist them with your abilities.
If we wish to be compassionate with our fellow man, we must learn to engage in dispassionate analysis. In other words, thinking with our hearts, rather than our brains, is a surefire method to hurt those whom we wish to help.
Serving others may leave you tired at the end of the day, but with it comes a sense of accomplishment and humility. When we serve others we find a new way to be happy. Serving is a thankless job the majority of the time, but it is also a reward in itself. Think of raising children. You have to serve and sacrifice everyday for your children, but they are also the greatest source of happiness in your life. Here are ways to get more out of life by serving others:
Complete possession is proved only by giving. All you are unable to give possesses you.
You will find, as you look back upon your life, that the moments that stand out are the moments when you have done things for others.
Being a servant is to give of your time, attention , and assistance of others needs.
So to be a good husband, I need not to be selfish with my time, and to give to my wife.
A father is to be a servant even to his children, giving them attention when they need it. seeing to their needs as they are in need,
And when friends are in need, find what ways you can assist them with your abilities.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Benefits of being Apologetic
Apologies and forgiveness are important because intractable conflicts generate such deep and searing emotions. Even after the fighting stops, people still feel the pain, hurt, and hatred that produced the conflict and its horrors in the first place. Without apology and forgiveness, people remain locked in the value systems that produced the conflict. Little progress beyond a cease fire can be made.
The purpose of apology is to extend ourselves in such a way that relationships become deeper, and life becomes richer and more human in the process.
Most people find it pretty hard to apologize. Why is this? We do something wrong, we acknowledge to ourselves that we have done something wrong, and yet we may still find it hard to get those two little words out from between our pursed lips. So, why is it so hard to apologize?
Apologies aren't supposed to be easy. They are supposed to be soul-baring. That's why, when done right, they are so powerful and rehabilitative. It's hard to admit that we've hurt someone's feelings or caused someone pain, whether it's intentional or not. It's also hard to see ourselves in a less-than-positive light. It requires taking off the blinders we wear and facing our flaws.
Saying sorry is meant to make us feel vulnerable. How could it not? But here's the thing: It's really important to do in order for us to have healthy relationships. We all want and need to feel safe with the people we allow into our inner circle. We want to know that the people we are close to care about how we feel and are willing to admit their flaws. Not taking responsibility for wrongdoings makes us seem unsafe or untrustworthy. And withholding an apology is certainly not going to win us any friends! Saying you're sorry shows those you love that you care enough about them and the relationship to be aware of your shortcomings and take responsibility for your hurtful actions. In the end, making things right is way more important than being right.
The one who is wrong needs to ask forgiveness from the one who is right. Understandably, that's not a fun thought. Sometimes it's our pride or ego that gets in the way. And, of course, those who lack empathy can have a hard time embracing another person's feelings or perspective altogether, which makes saying sorry virtually impossible to do.
Apologies can also be an expression of sorrow. In other words, the person saying sorry is attempting to be empathetic toward you. In this case, simply accept their apology. They probably are being sincere, and you shouldn't’analyze their intent.
Often, apologies are uttered as a mere afterthought for minor trivialities. For something insignificant, such as bumping into someone, a brief but sincere apology is usually all that is needed.
Apology calls for a willingness to sacrifice on behalf of the wronged party and the inherent value of the relationship, not for what it brings to you but for what you can bring to it.
( Accepting Apologies )
To accept an apology isn't easy for either person involved. Apologizing is a very humble act. Well, it can be humble if done correctly. It is sometimes viewed by people as an admission of guilt. To apologize means guilt has been established and confirmed by the "offending" party when we accept an apology. Apologizing encourages the offender to accept responsibility for their role in causing offense. This, however, is hard on pride, and we have to be careful when we accept an apology.
Humans by nature, are prideful. We do not often like admitting when we are wrong, especially to others. It makes us feel we failed in an area, and forces us to become emotionally attached to the situation.
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future
I cannot erase what I have done. We can apologize for it. We can express our outrage. We can say to the different ones, this is not my way and I do not condone it, but I cannot change it and I cannot erase it
But when the apology is given to me, it is only up to me to accept it.
The purpose of apology is to extend ourselves in such a way that relationships become deeper, and life becomes richer and more human in the process.
Most people find it pretty hard to apologize. Why is this? We do something wrong, we acknowledge to ourselves that we have done something wrong, and yet we may still find it hard to get those two little words out from between our pursed lips. So, why is it so hard to apologize?
Apologies aren't supposed to be easy. They are supposed to be soul-baring. That's why, when done right, they are so powerful and rehabilitative. It's hard to admit that we've hurt someone's feelings or caused someone pain, whether it's intentional or not. It's also hard to see ourselves in a less-than-positive light. It requires taking off the blinders we wear and facing our flaws.
Saying sorry is meant to make us feel vulnerable. How could it not? But here's the thing: It's really important to do in order for us to have healthy relationships. We all want and need to feel safe with the people we allow into our inner circle. We want to know that the people we are close to care about how we feel and are willing to admit their flaws. Not taking responsibility for wrongdoings makes us seem unsafe or untrustworthy. And withholding an apology is certainly not going to win us any friends! Saying you're sorry shows those you love that you care enough about them and the relationship to be aware of your shortcomings and take responsibility for your hurtful actions. In the end, making things right is way more important than being right.
The one who is wrong needs to ask forgiveness from the one who is right. Understandably, that's not a fun thought. Sometimes it's our pride or ego that gets in the way. And, of course, those who lack empathy can have a hard time embracing another person's feelings or perspective altogether, which makes saying sorry virtually impossible to do.
Apologies can also be an expression of sorrow. In other words, the person saying sorry is attempting to be empathetic toward you. In this case, simply accept their apology. They probably are being sincere, and you shouldn't’analyze their intent.
Often, apologies are uttered as a mere afterthought for minor trivialities. For something insignificant, such as bumping into someone, a brief but sincere apology is usually all that is needed.
Apology calls for a willingness to sacrifice on behalf of the wronged party and the inherent value of the relationship, not for what it brings to you but for what you can bring to it.
( Accepting Apologies )
To accept an apology isn't easy for either person involved. Apologizing is a very humble act. Well, it can be humble if done correctly. It is sometimes viewed by people as an admission of guilt. To apologize means guilt has been established and confirmed by the "offending" party when we accept an apology. Apologizing encourages the offender to accept responsibility for their role in causing offense. This, however, is hard on pride, and we have to be careful when we accept an apology.
Humans by nature, are prideful. We do not often like admitting when we are wrong, especially to others. It makes us feel we failed in an area, and forces us to become emotionally attached to the situation.
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future
I cannot erase what I have done. We can apologize for it. We can express our outrage. We can say to the different ones, this is not my way and I do not condone it, but I cannot change it and I cannot erase it
But when the apology is given to me, it is only up to me to accept it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)