Apologies and forgiveness are important because intractable conflicts generate such deep and searing emotions. Even after the fighting stops, people still feel the pain, hurt, and hatred that produced the conflict and its horrors in the first place. Without apology and forgiveness, people remain locked in the value systems that produced the conflict. Little progress beyond a cease fire can be made.
The purpose of apology is to extend ourselves in such a way that relationships become deeper, and life becomes richer and more human in the process.
Most people find it pretty hard to apologize. Why is this? We do something wrong, we acknowledge to ourselves that we have done something wrong, and yet we may still find it hard to get those two little words out from between our pursed lips. So, why is it so hard to apologize?
Apologies aren't supposed to be easy. They are supposed to be soul-baring. That's why, when done right, they are so powerful and rehabilitative. It's hard to admit that we've hurt someone's feelings or caused someone pain, whether it's intentional or not. It's also hard to see ourselves in a less-than-positive light. It requires taking off the blinders we wear and facing our flaws.
Saying sorry is meant to make us feel vulnerable. How could it not? But here's the thing: It's really important to do in order for us to have healthy relationships. We all want and need to feel safe with the people we allow into our inner circle. We want to know that the people we are close to care about how we feel and are willing to admit their flaws. Not taking responsibility for wrongdoings makes us seem unsafe or untrustworthy. And withholding an apology is certainly not going to win us any friends! Saying you're sorry shows those you love that you care enough about them and the relationship to be aware of your shortcomings and take responsibility for your hurtful actions. In the end, making things right is way more important than being right.
The one who is wrong needs to ask forgiveness from the one who is right. Understandably, that's not a fun thought. Sometimes it's our pride or ego that gets in the way. And, of course, those who lack empathy can have a hard time embracing another person's feelings or perspective altogether, which makes saying sorry virtually impossible to do.
Apologies can also be an expression of sorrow. In other words, the person saying sorry is attempting to be empathetic toward you. In this case, simply accept their apology. They probably are being sincere, and you shouldn't’analyze their intent.
Often, apologies are uttered as a mere afterthought for minor trivialities. For something insignificant, such as bumping into someone, a brief but sincere apology is usually all that is needed.
Apology calls for a willingness to sacrifice on behalf of the wronged party and the inherent value of the relationship, not for what it brings to you but for what you can bring to it.
( Accepting Apologies )
To accept an apology isn't easy for either person involved. Apologizing is a very humble act. Well, it can be humble if done correctly. It is sometimes viewed by people as an admission of guilt. To apologize means guilt has been established and confirmed by the "offending" party when we accept an apology. Apologizing encourages the offender to accept responsibility for their role in causing offense. This, however, is hard on pride, and we have to be careful when we accept an apology.
Humans by nature, are prideful. We do not often like admitting when we are wrong, especially to others. It makes us feel we failed in an area, and forces us to become emotionally attached to the situation.
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future
I cannot erase what I have done. We can apologize for it. We can express our outrage. We can say to the different ones, this is not my way and I do not condone it, but I cannot change it and I cannot erase it
But when the apology is given to me, it is only up to me to accept it.
