A True Christian Friend is Closer Than a Brother
As Christians, we are challenged daily to show ourselves friendly to Christians and non-Christians alike. “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly; and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother” [Proverbs 18:24]. God calls us to be a friend at all times to all, not just those we may “click with” or our “favorite people.”
It is easy to spend time with those who we are close with, our best friend, or even a fellow Christian who is an encouragement. However, God calls us to a deeper level of friendship. In Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” King Solomon, the author of most of the Proverbs, teaches us here about the importance of consistency in our relationships with others, in word and deed. Friendship isn’t just a badge you may wear proudly during the good times, but remove if you so choose. Friendship is dedication to another’s heart, soul, and success. If we are to be true, Godly friends, tough times and disappointments won’t phase the grounded support we owe each one.
We are tested in this attitude of friendship, many times with personal expense. Godly friendship includes a degree of sacrifice and servitude, as does our daily walk with God. But with a mindset to serve and to love at all times, it is amazing how God will give the increase! If we are willing to suffer one with another and bear one another’s burdens, together we can connect and relate with others to share the Gospel in a powerful and impressive way. We can “arise, go and doubt not” as we share our testimony of faith, friendship, and forgiveness with a world in need
Sunday, September 6, 2009
The Benefits of Forgiveness
Betrayal, aggression, and just plain insensitivity: People can hurt us in a million ways, and forgiveness is not always easy. Whether you have been cut off in traffic, slighted by your mother-in-law, betrayed by a spouse, or badmouthed by a co-worker, most of us are faced with a variety of situations that we can choose to ruminate over or forgive. But forgiveness, like so many things in life, is easier said than done.
Forgiveness can be a challenge for several reasons. Sometimes forgiveness can be confused with condoning what someone has done to us: “That’s OK. Why not do it again?” Forgiveness can be difficult when the person who wronged us does not seem to deserve our forgiveness -- it’s hard to remember that forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the one who is forgiven. Ultimately, forgiveness is especially challenging because it’s hard to let go of what’s happened. However, it’s important to let go and forgive. Here are some reasons why:
Forgiveness is good for your heart -- literally. One study from the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found forgiveness to be associated with lower heart rate and blood pressure as well as stress relief. This can bring long-term health benefits for your heart and overall health.
A later study found forgiveness to be positively associated with five measures of health: physical symptoms, medications used, sleep quality, fatigue, and somatic complaints. It seems that the reduction in negative affect (depressive symptoms), strengthened spirituality, conflict management and stress relief one finds through forgiveness all have a significant impact on overall health.
A third study, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, found that forgiveness not only restores positive thoughts, feelings and behaviors toward the offending party (in other words, forgiveness restores the relationship to its previous positive state), but the benefits of forgiveness spill over to positive behaviors toward others outside of the relationship. Forgiveness is associated with more volunteerism, donating to charity, and other altruistic behaviors. (And the converse is true of non-forgiveness.)
So, to sum it up, forgiveness is good for your body, your relationships, and your place in the world. That’s reason enough to convince virtually anyone to do the work of letting go of anger and working on forgiveness.
Holding grudges are not only bad for your mind, but research is showing that it’s also bad for your health! More and more evidence is being gathered and shows that hanging on to long-term anger can actually cause a variety of major health problems. How can simply letting go of bitterness improve your health? Besides the great mental weight that will be lifted from you, you may find that forgiving someone helps to:
* Lower your heart rate and blood pressure
* Reduce stress and hostility levels in general
* Manage stress and anger better overall
* Reduce depression, anxiety, and chronic pain
* Promote feelings of well being—mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually
* Improve relationships and increase friendships
But how can you ultimately forgive someone who’s done you wrong? Of course it is not easy, but in the long run what does holding a grudge really offer you? Not much, and the positive aspects of letting go of your anger far outweigh the benefits of hanging onto it!
1. Realize that forgiving someone is a commit and may be a long process. It does not usually happen overnight and is not as easy as flipping a switch.
2. Think about what you have gained by holding onto your anger as opposed to what you can gain by letting go. Write it down. Seeing this in your own writing is often enough to help the process of forgiving.
3. Go over the incident that caused the rift between you and the other person. Could you have handled it differently? Are there truly two sides to this story? If the other person actually did act out in spite or negligence, can you see that holding onto the grudge is only hurting you and nobody else?
4. Choose to be in control rather than a victim. By allowing another person to have a hold on your mind and emotions, you’re choosing the victim role. Successful people learn from conflict, let go, and move on.
5. Try to find the lesson in the situation. Yes, everything we go through in life, especially the bad times, can help us learn valuable lessons! Use the negative situation you went through to become stronger and wiser.
By following these steps you’ll be able to enjoy the benefits of forgiveness. You’ll also find that you no longer look for the bad in situations or people, but rather face others with more understanding and compassion. We can’t forget, but we certainly have the choice to forgive and move on. Do it for your own health, well being, and peace of mind.
Betrayal, aggression, and just plain insensitivity: People can hurt us in a million ways, and forgiveness is not always easy. Whether you have been cut off in traffic, slighted by your mother-in-law, betrayed by a spouse, or badmouthed by a co-worker, most of us are faced with a variety of situations that we can choose to ruminate over or forgive. But forgiveness, like so many things in life, is easier said than done.
Forgiveness can be a challenge for several reasons. Sometimes forgiveness can be confused with condoning what someone has done to us: “That’s OK. Why not do it again?” Forgiveness can be difficult when the person who wronged us does not seem to deserve our forgiveness -- it’s hard to remember that forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the one who is forgiven. Ultimately, forgiveness is especially challenging because it’s hard to let go of what’s happened. However, it’s important to let go and forgive. Here are some reasons why:
Forgiveness is good for your heart -- literally. One study from the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found forgiveness to be associated with lower heart rate and blood pressure as well as stress relief. This can bring long-term health benefits for your heart and overall health.
A later study found forgiveness to be positively associated with five measures of health: physical symptoms, medications used, sleep quality, fatigue, and somatic complaints. It seems that the reduction in negative affect (depressive symptoms), strengthened spirituality, conflict management and stress relief one finds through forgiveness all have a significant impact on overall health.
A third study, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, found that forgiveness not only restores positive thoughts, feelings and behaviors toward the offending party (in other words, forgiveness restores the relationship to its previous positive state), but the benefits of forgiveness spill over to positive behaviors toward others outside of the relationship. Forgiveness is associated with more volunteerism, donating to charity, and other altruistic behaviors. (And the converse is true of non-forgiveness.)
So, to sum it up, forgiveness is good for your body, your relationships, and your place in the world. That’s reason enough to convince virtually anyone to do the work of letting go of anger and working on forgiveness.
Holding grudges are not only bad for your mind, but research is showing that it’s also bad for your health! More and more evidence is being gathered and shows that hanging on to long-term anger can actually cause a variety of major health problems. How can simply letting go of bitterness improve your health? Besides the great mental weight that will be lifted from you, you may find that forgiving someone helps to:
* Lower your heart rate and blood pressure
* Reduce stress and hostility levels in general
* Manage stress and anger better overall
* Reduce depression, anxiety, and chronic pain
* Promote feelings of well being—mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually
* Improve relationships and increase friendships
But how can you ultimately forgive someone who’s done you wrong? Of course it is not easy, but in the long run what does holding a grudge really offer you? Not much, and the positive aspects of letting go of your anger far outweigh the benefits of hanging onto it!
1. Realize that forgiving someone is a commit and may be a long process. It does not usually happen overnight and is not as easy as flipping a switch.
2. Think about what you have gained by holding onto your anger as opposed to what you can gain by letting go. Write it down. Seeing this in your own writing is often enough to help the process of forgiving.
3. Go over the incident that caused the rift between you and the other person. Could you have handled it differently? Are there truly two sides to this story? If the other person actually did act out in spite or negligence, can you see that holding onto the grudge is only hurting you and nobody else?
4. Choose to be in control rather than a victim. By allowing another person to have a hold on your mind and emotions, you’re choosing the victim role. Successful people learn from conflict, let go, and move on.
5. Try to find the lesson in the situation. Yes, everything we go through in life, especially the bad times, can help us learn valuable lessons! Use the negative situation you went through to become stronger and wiser.
By following these steps you’ll be able to enjoy the benefits of forgiveness. You’ll also find that you no longer look for the bad in situations or people, but rather face others with more understanding and compassion. We can’t forget, but we certainly have the choice to forgive and move on. Do it for your own health, well being, and peace of mind.
ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS FOR FRIENDSHIP )
True Christian Friendship
But if we live in the light, as God is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other. Then the blood of Jesus, God’s Son, cleanses us from every sin. If we say we have no sin, we are fooling ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 1 John 1:7–8
How do we know that we are having authentic or true friendships with people? I believe that true friendships show their true attitudes, no pretensions. Friends are the ones who are there when you need their help. Lifts you up when you’re down. Gives you encouragement in times of failure. They are the ones who does not only see and tell what’s good in you, but corrects you when they feel and think that you are not in the right path, the path that leads to GOD. This means that they show their concern and that they love you. And that they don’t want you to be away from the light of God.
True friends show compassion. A Christian fellowship is not just an ordinary chitchat about the things we see or the stories we about the people around, but a heart to heart talk with one another, sharing our problems and giving advice. Being a friend, we should have the heart to listen to them, be attentive to what they say to us. We should also listen with our hearts so that they will feel our compassion for them.
We are blessed to have friends who stick with us through good and bad times. This past few days I felt a bit of dryness in my Spirit. Thinking more of the earthly things in life. Maybe that’s the reason why I felt a bit of dryness in my spirit. But I thank God for His conviction. This awakening again brings back the joy I have been looking for. I thank God for giving me such loving friends around me who makes me laugh and share my insights with. I thank God for making them instruments for the revival of my spirit. I really feel the joy in the fellowship with my Christian friends.
I love my friends and I feel honored when they share their experiences or problems with me. I can feel the trust that they are giving to me. That is why now I am no longer afraid to share my experiences with them.
To let our friendships grow let us follow what is written in the Bible, "Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed" (James 5:16 MSG).
May the God Bless our True Christian Friendships and may we continue to let Him reign in our lives.
FORGIVENESS
Are you able to easily let slights from other people roll off your back, or do you tend to hold onto resentments? Some people carry around anger from as far back as childhood. Other people wake up with a clean emotional slate every morning. And then there's the vast space in between the two emotional extremes.
Forgiveness doesn't change what the person has done, but rather changes our reaction to the situation. Forgiveness isn't about turning the other cheek. We can forgive another without forgiving the act. The same holds for our behavior. We can forgive ourselves when we have made a mistake and still own up to our actions.
I just heard yesterday...not even sure where...but it made sense to me. When you have a problem, find a solution and let go of complaining. Forgiveness creates the space for you to find the right solution. Holding on to bitterness, anger, sadness only affects your well being and adds negative stress to your life. Negative emotions indicate that we need to do something to create change. Our inner guidance is telling us that we need to understand our feelings and take action to heal and support our well being.
Forgiveness is a gift. You are not going to find it until you give it. God gave us the gift of forgiveness because there was no way that we could ever earn or deserve it. When you are the one who has committed the offense—if you have hurt others—all you can do is feel sorrow for your behavior; whether or not others forgive you is their choice. They decide whether or not to give the gift.
In our own lives, there can be no middle ground; either you decide to forgive the person who hurt you, or you hold onto bitterness and anger. You may not be able to do it at the same moment as Jesus. Forgiveness can take time. But forgiveness breaks the power that holds you captive to the offense. The sooner we can get our heads around that, the sooner we will begin to be free.
II. A Few Definitions
A. Anger is a strong feeling of intense displeasure, hostility, or indignation as a result of a real or imagined threat, insult, frustration, or injustice toward yourself or others important to you.
B. Forgiveness is giving up resentment (anger) against someone else, along with your right to get even, no matter what has been done to you.
C. Unforgiveness is the deliberate, willful refusal to give up one’s resentment and right to get even, based on the attitude that someone must pay for the wrong done.
III. Obstacles to Forgiveness
A. Lack of desire: You don’t want to forgive.
B. Rehearsing what happened: Some people continue to dwell on the hurtful experience.
C. Pride: We may believe the other person should initiate reconciliation.
D. Fear: Some resist forgiving to avoid looking weak, being misunderstood, or feeling rejected.
E. Negative advice: Well-meaning friends don’t always offer godly counsel.
F. Partial forgiveness: People try to pick and choose which offenses can be pardoned.
G. Relying on emotions: Don’t make the mistake of waiting until you feel like forgiving.
H. Expecting quick results: Forgiveness can take time.
I. Justifying the other person’s actions: Some people will rationalize what happened so that they don’t have to forgive.
VI. Steps to Dealing With Anger
1. Acknowledge that you have been totally forgiven. God saved you by grace––not because you deserved it. He has freely offered His forgiveness your entire life.
2. Confess your anger to the Lord. Recognize that your attitude has not been right. Be specific in describing your hostility and resentment.
3. Recognize that unforgiveness is sin. Honestly admit that it is a violation of biblical principles.
4. Ask God to forgive you. You may also need to admit to the other person that your attitude towards him or her was wrong.
5. Lay down the anger. Through the power of the Holy Spirit and by an act of your will, choose to let it go.
VIII. How to Know You Have Forgiven
A. The harsh emotions you have had towards others will be replaced by compassion.
B. You’ll be able to accept others without feeling bitter, even if they never change. You will try to understand why they acted the way they did.
C. You will feel thankful that God allowed the difficult experience to teach you more about the riches of His grace
Forgiveness is hard because your pain was not dealt with properly. If you pray to God after you are hurt, and let Him heal you, you will get healed some day. Some times it takes years, sometimes it takes minutes. As soon as your wounds are healed, you will find that your offender is a weaker person than you thought. He needs God badly, and that's why you should have pity on him.
True Christian Friendship
But if we live in the light, as God is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other. Then the blood of Jesus, God’s Son, cleanses us from every sin. If we say we have no sin, we are fooling ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 1 John 1:7–8
How do we know that we are having authentic or true friendships with people? I believe that true friendships show their true attitudes, no pretensions. Friends are the ones who are there when you need their help. Lifts you up when you’re down. Gives you encouragement in times of failure. They are the ones who does not only see and tell what’s good in you, but corrects you when they feel and think that you are not in the right path, the path that leads to GOD. This means that they show their concern and that they love you. And that they don’t want you to be away from the light of God.
True friends show compassion. A Christian fellowship is not just an ordinary chitchat about the things we see or the stories we about the people around, but a heart to heart talk with one another, sharing our problems and giving advice. Being a friend, we should have the heart to listen to them, be attentive to what they say to us. We should also listen with our hearts so that they will feel our compassion for them.
We are blessed to have friends who stick with us through good and bad times. This past few days I felt a bit of dryness in my Spirit. Thinking more of the earthly things in life. Maybe that’s the reason why I felt a bit of dryness in my spirit. But I thank God for His conviction. This awakening again brings back the joy I have been looking for. I thank God for giving me such loving friends around me who makes me laugh and share my insights with. I thank God for making them instruments for the revival of my spirit. I really feel the joy in the fellowship with my Christian friends.
I love my friends and I feel honored when they share their experiences or problems with me. I can feel the trust that they are giving to me. That is why now I am no longer afraid to share my experiences with them.
To let our friendships grow let us follow what is written in the Bible, "Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed" (James 5:16 MSG).
May the God Bless our True Christian Friendships and may we continue to let Him reign in our lives.
FORGIVENESS
Are you able to easily let slights from other people roll off your back, or do you tend to hold onto resentments? Some people carry around anger from as far back as childhood. Other people wake up with a clean emotional slate every morning. And then there's the vast space in between the two emotional extremes.
Forgiveness doesn't change what the person has done, but rather changes our reaction to the situation. Forgiveness isn't about turning the other cheek. We can forgive another without forgiving the act. The same holds for our behavior. We can forgive ourselves when we have made a mistake and still own up to our actions.
I just heard yesterday...not even sure where...but it made sense to me. When you have a problem, find a solution and let go of complaining. Forgiveness creates the space for you to find the right solution. Holding on to bitterness, anger, sadness only affects your well being and adds negative stress to your life. Negative emotions indicate that we need to do something to create change. Our inner guidance is telling us that we need to understand our feelings and take action to heal and support our well being.
Forgiveness is a gift. You are not going to find it until you give it. God gave us the gift of forgiveness because there was no way that we could ever earn or deserve it. When you are the one who has committed the offense—if you have hurt others—all you can do is feel sorrow for your behavior; whether or not others forgive you is their choice. They decide whether or not to give the gift.
In our own lives, there can be no middle ground; either you decide to forgive the person who hurt you, or you hold onto bitterness and anger. You may not be able to do it at the same moment as Jesus. Forgiveness can take time. But forgiveness breaks the power that holds you captive to the offense. The sooner we can get our heads around that, the sooner we will begin to be free.
II. A Few Definitions
A. Anger is a strong feeling of intense displeasure, hostility, or indignation as a result of a real or imagined threat, insult, frustration, or injustice toward yourself or others important to you.
B. Forgiveness is giving up resentment (anger) against someone else, along with your right to get even, no matter what has been done to you.
C. Unforgiveness is the deliberate, willful refusal to give up one’s resentment and right to get even, based on the attitude that someone must pay for the wrong done.
III. Obstacles to Forgiveness
A. Lack of desire: You don’t want to forgive.
B. Rehearsing what happened: Some people continue to dwell on the hurtful experience.
C. Pride: We may believe the other person should initiate reconciliation.
D. Fear: Some resist forgiving to avoid looking weak, being misunderstood, or feeling rejected.
E. Negative advice: Well-meaning friends don’t always offer godly counsel.
F. Partial forgiveness: People try to pick and choose which offenses can be pardoned.
G. Relying on emotions: Don’t make the mistake of waiting until you feel like forgiving.
H. Expecting quick results: Forgiveness can take time.
I. Justifying the other person’s actions: Some people will rationalize what happened so that they don’t have to forgive.
VI. Steps to Dealing With Anger
1. Acknowledge that you have been totally forgiven. God saved you by grace––not because you deserved it. He has freely offered His forgiveness your entire life.
2. Confess your anger to the Lord. Recognize that your attitude has not been right. Be specific in describing your hostility and resentment.
3. Recognize that unforgiveness is sin. Honestly admit that it is a violation of biblical principles.
4. Ask God to forgive you. You may also need to admit to the other person that your attitude towards him or her was wrong.
5. Lay down the anger. Through the power of the Holy Spirit and by an act of your will, choose to let it go.
VIII. How to Know You Have Forgiven
A. The harsh emotions you have had towards others will be replaced by compassion.
B. You’ll be able to accept others without feeling bitter, even if they never change. You will try to understand why they acted the way they did.
C. You will feel thankful that God allowed the difficult experience to teach you more about the riches of His grace
Forgiveness is hard because your pain was not dealt with properly. If you pray to God after you are hurt, and let Him heal you, you will get healed some day. Some times it takes years, sometimes it takes minutes. As soon as your wounds are healed, you will find that your offender is a weaker person than you thought. He needs God badly, and that's why you should have pity on him.
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