The Benefits of Forgiveness
Betrayal, aggression, and just plain insensitivity: People can hurt us in a million ways, and forgiveness is not always easy. Whether you have been cut off in traffic, slighted by your mother-in-law, betrayed by a spouse, or badmouthed by a co-worker, most of us are faced with a variety of situations that we can choose to ruminate over or forgive. But forgiveness, like so many things in life, is easier said than done.
Forgiveness can be a challenge for several reasons. Sometimes forgiveness can be confused with condoning what someone has done to us: “That’s OK. Why not do it again?” Forgiveness can be difficult when the person who wronged us does not seem to deserve our forgiveness -- it’s hard to remember that forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the one who is forgiven. Ultimately, forgiveness is especially challenging because it’s hard to let go of what’s happened. However, it’s important to let go and forgive. Here are some reasons why:
Forgiveness is good for your heart -- literally. One study from the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found forgiveness to be associated with lower heart rate and blood pressure as well as stress relief. This can bring long-term health benefits for your heart and overall health.
A later study found forgiveness to be positively associated with five measures of health: physical symptoms, medications used, sleep quality, fatigue, and somatic complaints. It seems that the reduction in negative affect (depressive symptoms), strengthened spirituality, conflict management and stress relief one finds through forgiveness all have a significant impact on overall health.
A third study, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, found that forgiveness not only restores positive thoughts, feelings and behaviors toward the offending party (in other words, forgiveness restores the relationship to its previous positive state), but the benefits of forgiveness spill over to positive behaviors toward others outside of the relationship. Forgiveness is associated with more volunteerism, donating to charity, and other altruistic behaviors. (And the converse is true of non-forgiveness.)
So, to sum it up, forgiveness is good for your body, your relationships, and your place in the world. That’s reason enough to convince virtually anyone to do the work of letting go of anger and working on forgiveness.
Holding grudges are not only bad for your mind, but research is showing that it’s also bad for your health! More and more evidence is being gathered and shows that hanging on to long-term anger can actually cause a variety of major health problems. How can simply letting go of bitterness improve your health? Besides the great mental weight that will be lifted from you, you may find that forgiving someone helps to:
* Lower your heart rate and blood pressure
* Reduce stress and hostility levels in general
* Manage stress and anger better overall
* Reduce depression, anxiety, and chronic pain
* Promote feelings of well being—mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually
* Improve relationships and increase friendships
But how can you ultimately forgive someone who’s done you wrong? Of course it is not easy, but in the long run what does holding a grudge really offer you? Not much, and the positive aspects of letting go of your anger far outweigh the benefits of hanging onto it!
1. Realize that forgiving someone is a commit and may be a long process. It does not usually happen overnight and is not as easy as flipping a switch.
2. Think about what you have gained by holding onto your anger as opposed to what you can gain by letting go. Write it down. Seeing this in your own writing is often enough to help the process of forgiving.
3. Go over the incident that caused the rift between you and the other person. Could you have handled it differently? Are there truly two sides to this story? If the other person actually did act out in spite or negligence, can you see that holding onto the grudge is only hurting you and nobody else?
4. Choose to be in control rather than a victim. By allowing another person to have a hold on your mind and emotions, you’re choosing the victim role. Successful people learn from conflict, let go, and move on.
5. Try to find the lesson in the situation. Yes, everything we go through in life, especially the bad times, can help us learn valuable lessons! Use the negative situation you went through to become stronger and wiser.
By following these steps you’ll be able to enjoy the benefits of forgiveness. You’ll also find that you no longer look for the bad in situations or people, but rather face others with more understanding and compassion. We can’t forget, but we certainly have the choice to forgive and move on. Do it for your own health, well being, and peace of mind.